Authored by: Fennie Chong

My parents are Kedahan and I was born and raised in Sandakan, Sabah. 40 years ago, there was no AirAsia, not everyone could fly then. Hence, there were not many West Malaysians living in East Malaysia. As I grew up, I learned about my father's story, his painful childhood, and a broken family relationship between him and my grandfather. Being the eldest granddaughter in the family, I had a mission then - to restore their relationship.

After secondary school, I had the opportunity to come to KL. I didn't come to study. I came to work while waiting for my SPM results. My father was a contractor, I didn't want to cause any financial burden to the family and my ambition was to become a school teacher. I worked for my aunt's boutique in Damansara Heights. My plan was to get into a public teaching school. However, I didn't meet the teaching school's requirements. I was disappointed because of my unexpected results. I had always been one of the top students. I was lost and stuck but I remembered my mission. Hence, I continued to work in KL. My first salary was RM350 per month. I had to save for one year in order to purchase a flight ticket to see my family during Chinese New Year. During long public holidays, I took a bus to Kedah to visit my grandparents. When I saved enough, I started my part-time studies.

Fast forward many years later, I changed jobs, I was married with kids, and my family moved to KL. My father reunited with my grandfather after not being home for more than three decades. They spent time together in Kedah until my father suffered from health issues. He moved back to stay with me in KL and I became his caregiver. Many years later, my grandparents passed away and I lost my beloved father two years ago. He was 77.

During these years, many things happened. I progressed well in my career but not in my marriage. I had to juggle work, studies, and kids. When my father became wheelchair-bound, I had to ensure his wellbeing. I had to be strong and positive to keep everything in order. He turned out to be my pillar of support. He knew what I went through. At times, he was upset for being a burden in my life. I told him he was the driver in my life. Because of him, I became stronger. Because of him, I became more patient. Because of him, I prioritized my family values.

During my career break in 2019 after working for 26 years, my father and I spent a good time together. It was the happiest moment in his life because his granddaughters drove him around, we were all at home with him, he cooked for us, we took him to visit relatives in Kedah. On 30 September, I was supposed to start my new job. When I woke up in the morning, I found out my father sitting in his wheelchair looking outside the corridor, he had left us quietly. It was so hard for everyone to accept the news especially me being the closest daughter. Two weeks later, I dreamed about him. In the dream, he said to me, "Papa got to go". He smiled at me like he felt relieved. I hugged him and I cried. I woke up from the dream with tears but I knew it was a closure. I moved on. He had left a legacy of being caring, generous, trustworthy, and kind.

In life, we make many choices. Each choice makes us who we are. Had I not made the choice to come to KL, I would not have fulfilled my mission and pursued what I had been doing. The choices we make have an impact on our life. Once we have made a choice, be accountable for the outcome and learn to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty.

How do the choices you make affect your life?

Authored by: Jeff Cheah

A week ago, I came across a Newsletter called The Gratitude Journal. As it's one of my favorite subject, I thought I would check it out.  What a nice surprise. An article entitled "Gratitude is Vital to Managing Remote Teams. Here's Why" by Chester Elton caught my attention and I went deeper. I would like to share some observations by Chester Elton.

In the past 18 months, employees have gotten really good at working from home. Chester interviewed Robert Glazer (author of How to Thrive in the Virtual Workplace).   Robert says part of managing remote employees  is setting clear expectations and consistently tracking employees outcome. Managers & Leaders who regularly connect with their direct reports make them feel valued.

Gratitude is key to connect  with the remote workforce by providing 3 easy steps.

Make Gratitude Focus on Accomplishments  

With many Organizations working remotely, employees may feel their Bosses don't notice their hard work. Consistently expressing gratitude, publicly or privately help address this pain point. Bob says it's crucial to show gratitude right away. His favorite is to send a simple handwritten note of thanks. Thank individual team members and not just the team when sharing the team's win.

Check-in with Gratitude 

Bob suggests regularly reach out to others in the Organization - colleagues, team mates or even your Manager - let them know how grateful you are to work with them. These small check-in's will strengthen the bond within the team, especially while working from home. It's an excellent way to energize ourselves. When we ground ourselves in gratitude for our colleagues, we will find time to push forward.

Create Gratitude Buffers

When working from home, there is a lack of commute, which helps us separate our work and our home lives.  Having a morning & evening routine will help you transition out of work mode and into your home life. Bob recommends starting a Gratitude Journal  & write down three 3 to 5 things you're grateful for on a daily basis.

Building more gratitude into your life and leadership  will help you thrive and inspire others.

Thank you Chester Elton & Robert Glazer for the beautiful insights on Gratitude.

In my The Leader As Coach workshops, I have one activity on Validation - acknowledgement, affirmation & appreciation. My question to my participants: Do you think Malaysian Leaders score high marks  on validating their staff for a job well done? The response would be an resounding NO! Many Bosses think that people are already paid to do their job, so they should be grateful. Why do I need to say Thank You? What Bosses do not realize is that a simple Thank You goes a long way. If done sincerely & with authenticity, the impact is deep.

A few good Organizations do have the once a year Recognition Awards that come with a plaque and some  token of appreciation. That's good but don't you think frequent praise & appreciation when we notice the employees did something well, will bring forth higher motivation? A research by OC Tanner found that employees who were praised more frequently like once every month has twice the level of morale than those who were praised once a year. Think about it...appreciation once a month verses recognition once a year!

The research article by OC Tanner is entitled "The Easiest Thing You Can Do to be a Great Boss" Why is the Easiest Thing? It does not cost a single cent. Just the authenticity of a sincere appreciation if we observed a job well done.

And how do we go about praising? Besides the simple Thank You, which is great, Leaders can do better. Validating a person extrinsically (or externally) is nice but it does not touch the person's heart. Validating intrinsically (internally) will go deeper.        Charming Smile! Amazing cheek bones! You look super! Well done! are all extrinsic validation. They are good. Even better would be validation that touches the heart and makes them remember you for how you make them feel?

I'd like to leave you with the triple A formula that works every time when y9u want to praise someone the next time.

Acknowledge  pay attention, affirm what is done well

Appreciate       express gratitude & thankfulness

Amplify             tell how their action matters & how it has impact people or things

And lastly, Leaders must learn how to P-A-R-T-Y! 

P raise

A ppreciation

R ecognition

T hank

Y ou

"People will forget what you said, People will forget what you do, but People will never forget how you make them feel"  Maya Angelou

 

Authored by: Eric Toh

As human beings, we are emotional creatures. Our emotions affect everything that we do from the choices and decisions we make, the careers we pursue to how we choose to live our lives. Emotions help us choose our friends, with whom we fall in love and choose to spend our entire lives... but also what and whom we choose to bring with us or leave behind.

As an Emotional Intelligence Practitioner for the last three years I have embarked on writing this Research Paper to share my experience on the application of Emotional Intelligence in the workplace. As a PCC credentialed ICF Coach I have discovered the power of Emotional Intelligence in Coaching. I have presented in this Research Paper how Emotional Intelligence complements the ICF Competencies and it can help unleash the full potential of a Coach and how it will also ultimately benefit clients.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotions can be one of the most powerful things in our lives. Emotional intelligence is the ability to harness that power – to understand and manage our and others’ emotions, so that you can make decisions that help us move towards being best versions of ourselves and being closer to our values and beliefs.

The idea of emotional intelligence has been around for some time now. In the last quarter of century emotional intelligence has become more widely accepted – especially in the corporate and business world.

Two psychologists, John Mayer, now at the University of New Hampshire, and Yale’s Peter Salovey offered the first formulation of a concept they called “Emotional Intelligence” originally developed in the 1970s and 80s.

When Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence” ^[1] was first published in 1995, no one imagined that this best-selling book would transform the role of leadership. With over five million copies sold the book had great reviews by critics and is described as “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea” by the Harvard Business Review ^[2], Goleman resonated with the corporate world and business leaders.

The ingredients of Emotional Intelligence proposed by Goleman’s original book are:

• Self Awareness: the cornerstone of emotional intelligence–a capacity to recognize your feelings as they occur.
• Self Regulation: an ability to manage your emotional reactions, control impulse, and to recover from life’s upsets.
• Motivation: skill at using your emotions in the service of a goal, staying hopeful despite setbacks.
• Empathy: emotional sensitivity to others; a talent for tuning into others’ feelings, and reading their unspoken messages.
• Social Skills: grace in dealing with others–strong social skills are the key to popularity, leadership, and interpersonal effectiveness.

Emotional Intelligence Applied

The challenge with Emotional Intelligence is how it is applied, in our daily lives and at the workplace. Intellectually it is easy enough to understand however based on my experience delivering numerous Emotional Intelligence training programs for leaders in the last five years the real challenge is in its meaningful application.

I usually start my Emotional Intelligence leadership training sessions asking a series of questions as a warm-up exercise:

1. How many of you heard of Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”?
2. How many of your bought Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”?
3. How many of you read Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”?
4. How many of you made a significant change in your lives as a result of 1 – 3 above?

Of the hundreds of leaders from my training sessions, the typical approximate percentages of responses are as follows:

1. 80 – 100%
2. Approximately 60 – 70%
3. Approximately 40 – 50%
4. Less than 20%

The figures above suggest that while most professionals and business leaders understand and appreciate the importance of Emotional Intelligence in the workplace, very little of this translates into any meaningful application.

Training sessions that I run certainly help however Coaching is an area which potentially will be able to facilitate this meaningful change towards a more emotionally intelligent workplace.

The Business Case for Emotional Intelligence

The World Economic Forum (WEF) has highlighted Emotional Intelligence as the Top 10 Skills required in 2020 and the Growing 2022 Skills Outlook ^{[3], [4]}:

Harvard Business Review (HBR) has also recently highlighted how Emotional Intelligence became a key leadership skill ^[5]:Numerous other publications like Forbes and Inc. have also published why EQ is as if not more important than IQ ^{[6], [7]}.

What is even more compelling is that the most recent research by Capgemini “Emotional Intelligence – The Essential Skillset for the Age of AI^{” [8]} published in October 2019 shows that there is a direct link between Emotional Intelligence with:

• Increased Productivity
• Higher Employee Satisfaction
• Increased Market Share
• Better Emotional & Mental Wellbeing
• Reduced Fear of Job Loss
• Openness to Change

The Genos Emotional Intelligence Assessments & Diagnostics

As a Genos Emotional Intelligence Practitioner and Master Trainer I am able to share the model that I use in my training programs, which helps with the application of Emotional Intelligence for leadership and in the workplace.

Genos is one of the leading workplace and leadership Emotional Intelligence in the business world. It won three awards by prestigious Industry Inc. as Top 20 Assessments and Evaluation Companies five years in a row for 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021.

Genos Emotional Intelligence suite of assessments and diagnostics ^[9] include:

• Workplace & Leadership (Self, 180 & 360) Assessments for Individuals
• Emotional Culture Index for Organisations
• Candidate Selection Report for Recruitment
• Return on Investment (ROI) Calculator for Organisations
• A series of 1-Day Resilient, Mindful, Empowering & Inspiring Leader Programs
• Flagship Ignite Leadership Enhancement Program with T1 & T2 Assessments

Genos is also an official Business Partner of ICF Global ^[9]. Genos Emotional Intelligence assessments moves very quickly into development and action for the client /leader and supports the Coaching approach consistent with the ICF and its core competencies.

Emotional Intelligence & Coaching

There is no doubt that Emotional Intelligence is important in Coaching. Because Coaching is a human interaction, emotions play a crucial part in its success. Most if not all of the ICF Competencies require Emotional Intelligence.

However, as an observation Emotional Intelligence is not mentioned specifically in the 2019 ICF Competencies. Similar to my experience in Emotional Intelligence training the challenge is in the application in Coaching. Emotional Intelligence is covered as briefly as a topic in most Coaching programs I have come across, including the International Coaching Academy (ICA) I enrolled in.

Daniel Goleman has written several articles on Emotional Intelligence in Coaching including for ICF Global ^[10] and on LinkedIn ^[11]:

The top tips in relation to Emotional Intelligence and Coaching ^[10] are:

• Familiarize yourself with one Emotional Intelligence Model – The are many Emotional Intelligence Models in the market place. Many factors come into which one you choose to be familiar with as a Coach. This includes the costs of accreditation, the range assessments and diagnostics and how well the application of Emotional Intelligence works for individual and the organizations.
• Start with Yourself – In order to effectively Coach others for Emotional Intelligence, you might do well to first foster the competencies within yourself. Great Coaches apply emotional intelligence throughout their work: They remain calm in difficult situations, with emotional balance. They rely on empathy to understand their clients’ perspectives and give on-target, individualized feedback. They have a genuine interest in helping clients find growth opportunities — an essential part of the ICF Coaching core competency model.
• Explore Emotional Intelligence in your Coaching – you can help your client foster self-awareness to recognize their emotions, habits and triggers. When you notice a pattern in a client’s perceptions and actions, bring it to their attention kindly to help them understand where they’re getting stuck. When they have a difficult day and fall back on old habits, you can help them get back on track and turn a perceived failure into a learning opportunity.
• Incorporate Emotional Intelligence throughout your Coaching work – Try and incorporate Emotional Intelligence throughout your Coaching work. By beginning with emotional self-awareness—the foundation of emotional intelligence—your clients will learn to recognize their emotional drivers and limitations which, in turn, attune them to their values and vision. The ability to help clients discover or rediscover their purpose and values is crucial to staying motivated for growth. This sets great Coaches apart from those who employ cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all coaching. These Coaches develop a working alliance of trust with their clients and help them align their goals with learnable competencies. And their clients are far more likely to put in the necessary work.

Genos Emotional Intelligence Model & ICF Competencies

The Genos Emotional Intelligence Model is endorsed by Daniel Goleman. Genos International is currently one of the few elite corporate members of the Consortium for Research of Emotional Intelligence in Organization which is founded by and co-chaired by Daniel Goleman.

The Genos Emotional Intelligence Leadership Model has six competencies

1. Self-Awareness
2. Awareness of Others
3. Authenticity
4. Emotional Reasoning
5. Self-Management
6. Inspiring Performance

The Genos Emotional Intelligence Workplace & Leadership Model is a Behavioural Model which is statistically Reliable and Valid^[9].

The 2019 ICF Competencies ^[12] are:

1. Foundation
2. Demonstrates Ethical Practice
3. Embodies Coaching Mindset
4. Co-Creating the Relationship
5. Establishes and Maintains Agreements
6. Cultivates Trust and Safety
7. Maintains Presence
8. Communicating Effectively
9. Listens Actively

The ICF Competencies support the Genos Emotional Intelligence Workplace & Leadership model and vice versa. The diagram below demonstrates how the ICF competencies map to the Genos Emotional Intelligence Competencies:

The 2019 ICF Competencies mapped onto the Genos Emotional Intelligence Competencies:

2019 ICF Competencies	Genos Emotional Intelligence Competencies
A. Foundation
1. Demonstrates Ethical Practice	4. Emotional Reasoning
2. Embodies Coaching Mindset	5. Self-Management
B. Co-Creating the Relationship
3. Establishes and Maintains Agreements	4. Emotional Reasoning
4. Cultivates Trust and Safety	3. Authenticity
5. Maintains Presence	1. Self-Awareness
C. Communicating Effectively
6. Listens Actively	2. Awareness of Others
7. Evokes Awareness	7. Inspiring Performance
D. Cultivating Learning and Growth
8. Facilitates Client Growth	7. Inspiring Performance

Conclusion

Emotional Intelligence will continue to take prominence in the business world, leadership and the future of work.

Emotional Intelligence is supports the ICF core competencies and is completely consistent with its ethos.

For the established Coach, a seasoned Executive Coach or a new Coach incorporating Emotional Intelligence in your Coaching practice will help enhance and make a lasting, positive impact on your life, your clients’ lives and the lives of those around you.

References

1. Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, Bantam Dell Publishing (1995)
2. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman, Bantam Dell Publishing (2015)
3. The 10 Skills You Need to Thrive in the Fourth Industrial Revolution, A Gray, World Economic Forum (19 January 2016) https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/01/the-10-skills-you-need-to-thrive-in-the-fourth-industrial-revolution/
4. 5 Things to Know About the Future of Jobs, V Ratcheva & T Leopold, World Economic Forum (17 September 2018) https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/09/future-of-jobs-2018-things-to-know/
5. How Emotional Intelligence Became a Key Leadership Skill, A Ovans, Harvard Business Review (28 April 2015) https://hbr.org/2015/04/how-emotional-intelligence-became-a-key-leadership-skill
6. When It Comes To Success In Business, EQ Eats IQ For Breakfast, C Myers, Forbes (18 June 2018) https://www.forbes.com/sites/chrismyers/2018/06/18/when-it-comes-to-success-in-business-eq-eats-iq-for-breakfast/#10d9e8166822
7. Why EQ Matters More Than IQ, J Bariso, Inc (6 September 2016) https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/why-eq-matters-more-than-iq.html
8. Emotional Intelligence: The Essential Skillset for the Age of AI, Gapgemini Research, (November 2019) https://www.capgemini.com/research/emotional-intelligence/
9. Genos Emotional Intelligence Model, Suite of Assessments & Diagnostics,
   (August 2020) https://www.genosinternational.com/
10. How to Coach Works with Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman, International Coaching Federation (ICF) Blog (10 September 2018) https://coachfederation.org/blog/work-with-emotional-intelligence
11. Should You Become An Emotional Intelligence Coach?, Daniel Goleman, LinkedIn (26 February 2019) https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/should-you-become-emotional-intelligence-coach-daniel-goleman/
12. Updated International Coaching Federation (ICF) Core Competency Model (October 2019) https://coachfederation.org/app/uploads/2019/11/ICFCompetencyModel_Oct2019.pdf

 

Authored by: Eric Toh

by Eric Toh, MBA, PCC “I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” Albert Einstein.

The quote from Albert Einstein above is the basis for the Coaching Power Tool – Curiosity vs. Neutrality.

The word “Curiosity” conjures up many thoughts and ideas in people – “Be Inquisitive”, “Ask Questions”, “Why?”, “How?”, “Who?”, “When?”, “What?” – the desire to know more that could lead what else lies deeper in a seemingly simple statement or issue which could lead to heightened awareness, insights to the person and understanding of the situation from a big picture rather than a single point of view.

Growing up, children are naturally curious. Children will ask any questions without much inhibitation. They will go touch, feel, smell and taste anything new they have not seen before. They will be keen explore, experiment and try new things out without prompting or encouragement. However, over time this natural curiosity is dampened by layers of societal expectations and conformity– “Don’t ask so many questions”, “That’s too personal”, “You should know that already”, “That is a silly question”.

Over time, as human beings we can become less curious, be reluctant to explore more about a situation or person for fear of being judged or judging or overstepping boundaries.

Curiosity also wanes in this busy world that we live in. We are too busy completing tasks, rushing to our next meeting and focussing on the to do list rather than letting our imagination free to wonder. We focus on the ‘What’ too often and neglect the ‘Why’ and the ‘How’ and even the ‘What if…’.

This is when Neutrality can start to creep in – it is not so much of not being curious, but not having time to bother asking or the need to stay neutral and “not to offend”, “be politically correct”, not rocking the boat and staying in a comfort zone. We lose our curiosity as we grow up and get fixed in our ways and we can even get into an “autopilot” state.

The Power Tool Curiosity vs. Neutrality supports the coaching process by ensuring both Coach and Client are in a healthy inquisitive state which may uncover new awareness for the Client which may move the Client forward, rather than staying in a neutral zone, never knowing or confronting and hence never uncovering what the deeper insights that might be holding the Client back.

What is Curiosity?

Curiosity is defined as “eager wish to know or learn about something”. From a Coaching perspective it is important to distinguish between the desire to “know or learn something” for the purpose of satisfying the Coach’s own curiosity or from the perspective of why it is important for the Client and how it can help the Client move forward. Sometimes a Coach may be curious and may be getting too much into the detail of the Client’s story which is not good coaching practise and not the intent of this Power Tool.

Curiosity is a deep feeling inside that drives the yearning and passion to discover more. It is not enough to get the answer – the goal is to understand. According to author and journalist Thomas Friedman, “Curiosity” and “Passion” are main ingredients in a world where information is freely available and the world rewards those who have “learned how to learn” and are “self-motivated to learn” ^[5]. He proposed a non-mathematical Curiosity formula ^[5]:

CQ + PQ > IQ where: CQ = Curiosity Quotient PQ = Passion Quotient IQ = Intellectual Quotient

Friedman states that the sum of curiosity and passion are 'greater' than intelligence, which really can be summarised as "It is more important to be passionate and curious than to be merely smart." ^[5]. This holds true particularly for Coaches where we are not subject matter experts or have the need to be smart for our Clients. Clients are whole and resourceful – Coaches have to be curious on how to bring the best out in the Client.

Curiosity makes one an engaging person. This is particularly important for a Coach to be engaging but it is equally important for the Client to be in a “curious space’ of discovering more about themselves and willingness to move forward.

Yet there are some reservations about being truly curious. Coaches may feel they are being judged or unintelligent by asking questions. Harvard Business Review research has shown that people who demonstrate curiosity by asking questions are liked more and are viewed as more competent compared to others ^[1]. Being curious also promotes meaningful connections and more creative outcomes ^[1].

Curiosity is an attribute related to inquisitive thinking, exploration, questioning, experimentation, investigation, desire for learning and understanding. Curiosity makes both the minds and Coach and Client active. It demonstrates that there is true engagement between the two parties, a deepening relationship and helps move the coaching process in a positive direction.

What is Neutrality?

Neutrality is often the need to stay neutral and impartial in order not to offend, not to be too confrontational, not to disrupt the harmony, not to judge or not to make judgement.

It is also a possible position to take when you feel it is none of your business, you are too busy to want to know and simply it is too difficult a issue for you to take on.

It is a neutral position – while it may be safe and comfortable to take this position, it is not helpful in a coaching relationship as it creates a limiting environment where important insights and issues may never be discovered and hence affect the effectiveness of the coaching program.

“Neutrality is at times a graver sin than belligerence.” Louis D Brandeisent

Louis D Brandeis was an American lawyer and justice of the Supreme Court of the United States who worked on progressive social causes and dubbed the “People’s Lawyer” and The Economist magazine called him the “Robin Hood of the Law” always believed in taking a position rather than being neutral particularly in the fight for social justice and freedom of speech. Brandeis’ quote serves as a powerful reminder to Coaches that being neutral could very well be worse than confrontational or aggressive.

In the example where the Client is in the car, the Coach is the passenger and does not grab the steering wheel, as it is for the Client to decide which route is best to take, this story can be extended to the car needs to be engaged in the correct gear at all times to get to the destination the Client would like to go and staying in “neutral” will not get the Client there.

The words “Apathy” and “Indifference” may also come to mind when discussing “Neutrality”. The difference here is that staying neutral as a choice, as compared to being apathetic and indifferent where they are not intentional states of awareness or consciousness. Neutrality is a chosen state rather than because you were oblivious to it in the first place which can be construed as worse than not being aware at all.

A common definition of Neutrality is “not taking any position in an issue”. In coaching this is actually not a good position to take, as it may not address any underlying issues, create new awareness or insights or move the Client forward in a meaningful way.

Instead of staying neutral, the converse in this Power Tool is not about taking a position, it is rather about being curious.

Shifting from Neutrality to Curiosity

“Curiosity Killed the Cat” is a common idiom to warn or discourage someone from asking too many questions or being curious about someone or something.

However, there is also another saying that “A Cat Has Nine Lives”. A variation of the above idiom is hence "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!"

The resurrection element of this idiom light-heartedly highlights that Curiosity indeed has benefits, and is satisfying and even somewhat addictive!

So how does one shift from a state of Neutrality to a state of Curiosity?

A previous successful Australian Northern Territories Tourism Campaign undertaken to promote Uluru or famous Ayers Rock, a UNESCO World Heritage site and one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World was aimed at piquing the curiosity of Australians ^[6]. The campaign was aimed at Australians who felt “neutral” about a holiday at their own Northern Territories, often bypassing it to go further afar to Asia, Europe and USA ^[6].

The campaign slogan they used in the campaign: ^[6]:

“You’ll Never Never Know, If You Never Never Go” Australian Northern Territory Tourism Campaign Slogan

The slogan is a powerful one that can remind Coaches to be curious and sometimes to explore what might be closer at hand, neutral about and have chosen essentially to ignore for something seemingly more attractive and interesting afar.

The state of Neutrality in coaching can arise for a number of reasons including the topic is too close at hand so it is not interesting, to the ability of the Coach to create a “curious space” to raise the topic in the first place and possibly also the reluctance of the Client to “open up”. It could be the hesitation of the Coach to confront the issues for fear of the unknown. It could also be there is an assumption that it is a “no go” zone.

The challenge is for the Coach is to create a “safe space” where both Coach and Client can be curious without fear. Courage also plays a part in being curious and asking the question that the Client doesn’t want you to ask and asking about the “elephant in the room”.

Once the Coaching has moved into the space of Curiosity rather than Neutrality, insights and awareness can be discovered through curiosity that would lead to a more effective Coaching session outcome and develop a more sustainable Coach-Client relationship.

Application

How does on apply the Power Tool: Curiosity vs. Neutrality in the coaching process?

Both Coach and Client ideally need to be in a “curious space” rather than a “neutral space”. Some key pointers for Coaches in the application of this Power Tool:

1. Create a “safe space” where both the Coach and Client can be curious
2. Don’t label things (both verbally or in your mind)
3. Take a pause – listen without judgement
4. Don’t jump to conclusion – be willing to be wrong
5. Be empathetic – how does it feel to be in the Client’s shoes?
6. Make time for curiosity
7. Be willing to ask many questions and ‘dumb’ questions
8. Be comfortable not knowing the answers
9. Experiment with different ways of being curious
10. Be a child again!

Reflection

1. What am I not curious about now?
2. Notice when someone else is being curious
3. What am I not noticing here?
4. How does that work?
5. What other perspectives could there be?
6. What is underneath all this?
7. What are the benefits of being curious?
8. What are the consequences of being neutral?

References

1. Why Curiosity Matter, F Gino, Harvard Business Review
   (September - October 2018 Issue) https://hbr.org/2018/09/curiosity
2. 8 Habits of Curious People, S Vossa, Fast Company (21 April 2015) https://www.fastcompany.com/3045148/8-habits-of-curious-people
3. The Importance of Being Curious, D Molokhia, Harvard Business Publishing
   (24 May 2018) https://www.harvardbusiness.org/the-importance-of-being-curious
4. A Curious Mind, Brian Grazer & Charles Fishman (2015)
5. The World is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century, Thomas Friedman (2007)
6. World Advertising Research Centre https://www.warc.com/fulltext/afa/13868.htm
7. In Praise of the Incurably Curious Leader, MIT Sloan Management Review (July 18, 2019)  https://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/in-praise-of-the-incurably-curious-leader/

    

Authored by: Jeff Cheah

Listening means allowing the pauses. Ask thoughtful questions and be comfortable with the silences that may follow. Don’t rush to fill the gaps.

If the person doesn’t answer right away..wait. Don’t jump in to explain, soften the tone or suggest an answer. Let the person process.

Your willingness to pause and listen tells them, “This question is really important, and your answer is worth waiting for”

Great advice isn’t it?
Hey listen, it’s not written by me but from Gary Burnison’s latest book Leadership U - Accelerating Through the Crisis Curve. It’s an extract from the chapter Listen.

An HR research discovered one way of building trust & confidence is to “ask a question, shut up and listen”.
More to it “ask a question, shut up, pause, listen, silence, shut up, pause, listen, silence....”

I remember on one of my coaching leaders workshop, during a practice session, one participant who played the role of a Coach held his silence for more than a minute when everyone in the class were fidgeting and wondering what was happening and then...the Coachee responded! Everybody heaved a sigh of relief. What a moment for the Coach.

What makes silence so uncomfortable for most people? What do you think?

Authored by: Jeff Cheah

It's my 65th Birthday!

I received tons of wishes from whatapps, LinkedIn & FB. No postcards or email wishes as yet. Thank you friends, partners, associates and to those I have not met, let's catch up for coffee when MCO is lifted and we are clear to meet.

I would like to share some of my thoughts based on my journey as an Entrepreneur, Executive Coach & Business Coach.

How can we improve our relationships with people? How can we help others be better version of themselves and our lives will be lifted as well. How can we give more? Most of my friends, partners, and associates are doing well. So, how can we "Do Good".....early, more and often.

Build Trust - a key ingredient in any relationship. When trust is there, magic happens. We share unconditionally, we go deeper into our hearts & feelings, we reflect and experience real emotions. One HR study quoted that one excellent way of building trust is "Ask how are you doing, shut up and listen". Be curious about the person, be interested, be present, put away your phone & share your empathetic ear.

Provide a Safe & Supportive Place for the person to share their stories. Take away your judgement, give attention, have a beginner's mind (Shoshin), be open to new ideas and perspectives. Acknowledge & appreciate what they share. Even if you think you know and is the expert, be curious and find out more.

Be Self Aware. All of us have different life experiences. As long as we have more self-awareness of our strengths & limitations, personalities, likes & dislikes, we would embrace each other's quirks & nuances. Nobody's perfect! We are all on a learning & growing journey.  I found that when I have learnt something new, there comes more new stuff that I do not know.

Be a Life Long Learner. I go into every webinar, workshop, seminar & conference with the objective that if I can take away one or two new ideas that I can use & practice, I'd be glad that I have spent my time well. Practice makes progress. Practice makes permanent. And if you are equipped and acquire the new skills, you can then share with others to be more effective. Everyone will grow together.

Give. I've been delivering lots of workshops & coaching for NGO’s & Communities and gotten so much practice that delivering corporate workshops have been quite a breeze. Somehow, it appears to me the more I give, the more I receive. Connecting the dots backwards, some of the new materials that I have created are the result of my giving my time to help NGO's & Communities in their noble work.

Don't take things personally. Very often, we drained ourselves as our Ego gets in the way when things don't go the way we want it to. Then we start blaming others, get angry with others and ourselves and practically get stressed out.
Always remember, it's not about you. https://www.ted.com/talks/frederik_imbo_how_not_to_take_things_personally_mar_2020

Let's Do Good early, more & often.

Authored by: Samuel Kurian

An uncertain, turbulent, changing world calls for trusted leaders. One key competence needed in stressful times is self-resiliency which enables one to connect with empathy and influence. Lately I have been busy coaching senior leadership teams in building Self-Resiliency.

A new era of work post Covid makes resilience a critical attribute. A clear definition of what we mean by self-resiliency is a good place to start. The power of the word 'resilience' is that it immediately resonates. The downside of its familiarity is we have different versions of what it means. When we ask people to define resilience frequent responses are 'bouncing back', coping with stress or change, being tough or mentally strong or adapting positively.

For a start, is resilience static? Is it a trait we have or do not have? If we combine systems theory with neuroscience the answer is a resounding 'no'. Resilience is not a fixed trait but a state that is dynamic and can change. This means it is not an attribute we can claim, or say we lack but a state we can strive to maintain or build. It is learnable. The evidence of neuroscience is that the adult brain is plastic and we can rewire it to cultivate resilience. It also tells us that the wider our repertoire of strategies the more likely we are to find the right approach for the presenting circumstances we are faced with.

Think of resilience-building as developing a toolkit of practices and ways of thinking. What I observed is that those who show up resilient have focussed daily practices, it is a lifestyle that supports them to be better equipped having Insight, Mastery, Empathy and Influence. Resilience we believe is a life long journey, none of us can claim it as a permanent state!

Increasingly, employers are adopting evidence-based, integral and practical methodologies for boosting employee resilience to better handle life’s ups and downs.

Adversity is inevitable. It’s central to how all life adapts and grows. When people are not resilient, they experience higher distress under pressure. This can derail their physical, emotional and mental well-being.

I have designed a 'Resilience Workout Program' for my clients with one-on-one coaching over few months leveraging on evidence-based research with a diagnostic application tool by the Resilience Institute and own client case studies to help support the new normal workplace needs. We know that resilience is an emotional capability as much as a leadership characteristic. Our hope is to build Resilience Champions in the workplace to role-model and build resilient teams. As we work with our clients we are gathering evidence how to build workplace resilience as it is less known compared with resilience in the clinical or community settings.

Leaders must provide direction, support and autonomy, this requires them to have insight, mastery, empathy and influence the four dimensions of resilience. You might be intriqued to know there are 60 specific factors that connects body, emotion and mind that lays the development framework for us to build resilience. Firstly, it is most useful to do a self-diagnostic to look at your own resilience strengths and liabilities - risk.

In our experience, resilient people are more self-aware and resourceful and can better engage with life challenges. They are better equipped to meet challenges with skill, energy and focus. Resilience is the cumulative knowledge, attitudes and skills that underpin well-being. Resilient people have deeper reserves to draw upon in challenging times, which leads to reduced anxiety and depression, which can lead to better physical health and higher levels of function.

Ready to build resilience? You can contact me to know more at: samkurian@changernomics.com

Authored by: Fennie Chong

When I quit my corporate job last year, I had a plan. A plan to pursue my passion. A plan to do something closer to my heart. A plan to stretch my abilities in difficult times. A plan to make full use of my gifts for others' good.

It has been six months that I have been on the new path as a solopreneur in building my coaching and consulting practice. I really enjoy the new role. However, like anyone else, I struggle. I struggle in handling all aspects of the business. As a wife and a mother, I struggle to make time for my family. As a volunteer, I struggle to do more.

However, my past hardships in life have made me become a stronger person. What has helped me push through adversity, is the mindset and attitude. I know what drives me. I know where my source of inspiration comes from. I know when I can pick myself up to move forward. I know how I can do it differently.

Deep inside my heart, I have the choice of doing something I like. I have the joy of doing something I love. I love the connection with people to understand their motivation and see how I can help. I love the power of coaching on how I can journey with someone who seeks change. I love the impact of consulting on how I can provide solutions to solve others' problems. I love the opportunity to do meaningful work. I love the platform of serving others with my gifts, talents, and capabilities. I love the outcome of helping someone directly or indirectly.

With my limitations and my doubts sometimes, I know these should not stop the transformative work because of my vision. Although I do not know what lies ahead, what I know is that I am empowered to do something I am capable of; I am clear about my plan and what I can do best; I have the love and respect for others; I am thankful and humble for every opportunity that I get to learn and grow, I know all things will turn out for good at the right timing. I am not setting high expectations for myself; I am mindful of my boundaries to prevent burnout. I am a work in progress and I am not alone. I can draw my strength from my family, and a group of like-minded friends, peer coaches, professionals, partners, and clients who entrust me to make a difference.

I can tell everyone that I have passed my probationary period and I am committed to continuing this new adventure. It is a lifelong commitment for myself and others. I am hoping to see fruit-bearing trees in the near future.

If you have a choice to choose your path, what would that be? And why?

Authored by: Jeff Cheah

I was inspired to write this article when I came across this paragraph in Gary Burnison's (CEO, Korn Ferry International) book entitled LEAD. 

"Real attention, paid to us in real time - one-to-one, eye-to-eye, genuine, present and singularly focused on another - has become  an experience of such scarcity, that when it's given, it creates the opportunity to influence others intimately, to communicate effectively and to create in very little time an interpersonal bond that is the basis of teams making things happen they otherwise could not" It's a very long sentence...but so insightful.

So what is presence?  The dictionary says "it's the state of being somewhere", "to show up", "your demeanor or bearing".

As an Executive Coach, I learnt that presence is to listen without judgement, it's having eye contact, empty your mind and have a beginner's s mind (Shoshin) even if you think you are the expert. It's removing all distractions including your favorite communications device. It's about being mindful and not have the mind full. It's not just about paying attention, it's about giving attention. It's about being curious, interested in the person in front of you and also keen on what he is saying. It's seeking to understand and not to reply. It's about observing and noticing what's going on. Its about being comfortable with silence.

And what will be the desired outcome?

It creates a safe and supportive place for people to feel free to share ideas, ask questions and engage with each other. The quiet will not be afraid to speak up, the noisy ones will shut up and listen more. It fosters new ideas, creativity and new thinking. It makes people feel appreciated, recognized and respected.

It satisfies the ultimate human desire to be seen, heard and acknowledged. People feels good, motivated and engaged when they are recognized. Recognition is the accelerator. If you not just pay attention but give attention, people thrives. It must be done consistently, authentically and with a genuine heart.

Former President of USA, Bill Clinton is well known for his ability to make you feel like the only person who exists on this fair Earth while he's speaking with you.

In contrast, I remembered till this day an incident that happened 40 years ago when I was a rookie sales representative in IBM. I made a sales call to this large construction company and was making a sales pitch. The prospect, a Senior Manager, was working on something else and he told me to continue talking. Obviously, he was not giving me the attention. Unfortunately, being young and naive, I continued. No attention, no sale & I remembered this incident for a long, long time. It has taught me a great lesson. Give people the attention and respect no matter who they are.

Sounds simple but it's not easy. Start by having one-to-one conversation with people, practice silence, eye contact, shut up an listen. Say Thank You at every opportunity. Find out if the person feels better after the conversation than before. That will give you the best feedback to do better the next time.

Emulate Bill Clinton's listening skills, master it & you will become a great respected leader yourself!

 

by Jeff Cheah, Executive Coach & Facilitator

Credits: LEAD by Gary Burnison

Authored by: Chong Sook Leng

Who are your superheroes and why?  

There is a common pattern in their storyline-

• Discovered they have abilities - some accept immediately while others take longer time to acknowledge and accept

• Learned to master their abilities through practice – use their power more frequently, fail to control, practice more intentionally with focus, and comeback stronger

• Seek opportunities to use their abilities/talents - in the process they find meaningful use of their abilities/talents – they find a cause, and it becomes their purpose

Become passionate about using their abilities to accomplish their purpose

You may not be a superhero but you do have amazing capabilities inside of you.   You may think it’s ordinary to -

1. generate new ideas and options quickly and easily - that leads to innovative solutions
2. have a checklist of things to get done - makes you extremely reliable to complete projects
3. connect many ideas, concepts and individuals together - helps you entangle and simplify complex problems at work and collaborate with people with the relevant skills

These are some of my extraordinary talents.  

If you want to have purposeful MISSION and be PASSIONATE about your achievements, don’t undermine your talents!