Authored by: Wai K Leong    

Recently, I presented to a group of coaches the power of deep listening. Many of us normally listens at the content level of the conversation. This level of listening involves hearing the spoken words; interpreting and understanding the messages that the words convey. The spoken words convey the story, situation, aspiration, ideas and opinions. Most of the time, a listener who is not trained to listen at a deeper level, will focus on this part of the conversation; understanding the speaker's situation and merely responding to what was heard. This is the obvious part of the conversation and it represents the top part of an iceberg.

However the visible part of the iceberg is not the whole iceberg. When we are attentive enough, we know that there is more to it than meets the eyes.

A deeper level of listening, is when we listen for the context. The context is the bigger picture of what is being said. The bigger picture is the "Why"(purpose or meaning) it is important. In fact, this is far more important than listening to the content. We can detect this "Why" by either asking questions such as, "so what has triggered you to do this?" or "what has made this important?" or "how is this related to your bigger goal?". Sometimes, subtle messages behind the content might be revealed through the speaker's body language (facial expressions), tone of voice or choice of words. We can make further inquiry by asking or pointing out what we are noticing such as, "So when you were saying that, I noticed a frown in your face. Is there something more?"

So, if contextual listening is a deeper form of listening, is there something even deeper? Yes, and we called it, listening to the "Who" this person is. The "who" constitutes their character strengths, values, expectations, beliefs, personality, motivation etc. This is the unsaid part of the conversation. This is part of the iceberg that is way below the water level. It is often not expressed explicitly but with our presence and intention, we can hear these information. This level of listening requires the full use of our senses such as our ears, eyes, heart, intuition and thinking.

So how do we practice this depth of listening? Actually, it is not that difficult. Begin with an intention to listen for strengths. Strengths can appear in many forms such as character strengths (e.g. determination, resilience, love, empathy etc), abilities (influencing skills, negotiation skills, problem solving skills etc) or innate talents.

If you are up to it, here is an experiment to practice listening at a deeper level. The next time you listen to someone, make an effort to identify one or two qualities (character strengths) that the person possesses. Share that information with them by saying something like, "From what you have shared, I noticed that you are X (e.g. empathetic) and Y (e.g. patience) is one of your virtues too." Experience a deeper level of connection in the conversation when you do that. As one coach had shared, when we listen at the "Who" level, we convey the message, "I see you".

Authored by: Wai K Leong    

In order to answer this question, we first need to understand the distinctions between them and the value of each approach. While many see teaching, mentoring and coaching as somewhat synonymous and interrelated, they are in-fact distinctly different.

Firstly, we need to be aware that there is the label and the process. A label is a name that we use such as a teacher, a mentor or a coach. In the sports world, the common label is a coach such as golf coach, football coach or a tennis coach. While one may be called football coach, he/she may use any of the three processes above (teaching, mentoring or coaching) to help the player, depending on their needs.

Let's look at the process now. We discern teaching as a process of imparting knowledge and information while mentoring is the process of imparting one's experience and wisdom. The difference between knowledge and experience is that one is factual while the other is experiential. So it does not matter if I learn the knowledge and practice of football in US, UK or Asia, I will learn the same rules and methodology. However, with mentoring, I may learn different perspectives and wisdom of the same subject from different mentors due of their unique experiences. Finally with coaching one learns to discover his/her own potential and thinking through self-reflection and self-discovery.

So, by now, I'm guessing the question, "Which is best?" would have been partially answered. Younger leaders who lack the understanding of leadership concepts and principles, will benefit more from training (giving them the knowledge). For those leaders who have worked and gained some leadership experiences may benefit from a combination of mentoring and coaching. While finally, for even more experienced leaders, they would most likely benefit from coaching. It is also important to point out that coaching is not limited to experienced leaders but the process is also useful for the younger leaders to help them think through their leadership situations, thereby developing their self-confidence and and awareness.

In summary, we teach, mentor and coach leaders depending on what they need. It is also important to equip leaders with coaching skills so that they can, in-turn, use the three processes to support others in their team.

Authored by: Wai K Leong    

Millennials are people who are aged between 20 to 35, as at 2016.

They are also known as the Gen Y's, Internet Generation or i-Gens, Why do Baby Boomers and Gen X leaders generally find leading the younger generations frustrating? The answer lies in the differences in values, mindset, expectations and preferences between these generations. In order for us to be more effective in leading them, let's understand a few areas of facts and myths about the Millennials. However, we need to remember that these are generalisations and some Millennials do not think and behave like this.

UNDERSTANDING THEM

Myth 1: Millennials are not loyal. That is only true when we measure loyalty in terms of the length of service in an organisation. Gen X and Baby Boomers, on the average, tend to have longer length of service in an organisation when they were younger. This can be attributed to a few factors such as job opportunities and the value they place on job security and stability as opposed to now, there are more job opportunities and Millennials place higher value on personal growth and contribution. Millennials stay longer in the organisation when they engaged; when they find meaning at work and when there are opportunities to learn, grow and contribute. Millennials do not measure loyalty by their length of service but by the intensity of focus and commitment they put into their work. The moment they lose interest, they will move on rather than hang around in the hope that something will change.

Myth 2: Millennials dislike face-to-face conversations. This conclusion is drawn from the observation that they prefer to send emails or text messages to their colleagues even within the same work area instead of walking over or picking up the phone to discuss! While their preferred mode of communication might be through the social media and mobile apps, they believe it to be more efficient than face-to-face meetings. However they may overlook the effectiveness part of face-face conversation. To the Millennials, traditional meetings, has limitations of time and space while communicating virtually transcends that.

Myth 3: Millennials prefers to be spoon fed. This conclusion came from some Gen-X leaders who notice that some Millennials tends to rely on solutions from their bosses instead of thinking for themselves and taking the initiative to do research and finding the answers. It is useful to remember that they grow up with immediate answers from Bro' Google and hence when they need some quick answers, going to their bosses is the most efficient. This behaviour can be sometimes misinterpreted as lazy and not self-reliant.

Myth 4: Millennials are impatient. When it comes to promotions and career advancement, Millennials expect to move up the career ladder after an average of serving two years. Contrast that with a minimum of three or more years of service for the X-Genners during their time. Hence, based on that reference point, we think that they are impatient. However, notice how fast things are changing around us now. Notice how short product life cycles are and notice how young the senior leaders are in organisations like Google, Microsoft, Facebook etc; notice that things change at such a rapid pace that serving two years without upward movement is a long time for them.

Fact 1: Millennials seek recognition and rewards. Well, if we think about it, this is a human need. The difference is that Millennials are not shy to talk about it and ask for it. The Gen-X's has the same needs but they do not openly talk about it during their time and hence Millennials are perceived differently in this area.

Fact 2: Millennials are not afraid to speak up and challenge status quo. Millennials grew up in an family and educational environment that supports and nurtures their self-confidence and image. They were encouraged and given airtime to express their thinking from young. When they have an opinion, they make sure that their opinion is heard. This can sometimes be misinterpreted as being disrespectful or trying to be too smart when they voice out their thoughts and questions the current practices.

Fact 3: Millennials strive for work-life balance. Work is not everything in life for the Millennials. Friends and self-development is equally important. So when they work 9 to 5 and refuse to stay back longer to complete certain task, they are perceived as not committed. Understand that their life values and priorities are different and when they are not able to find this balance, they move on. There is an organisation that has started to experiment (successfully) with a 4-day work week and I believe this will appeal to the younger generation.

LEADING THEM

Here are some tips to bring out the best from this generation.

Create a lively and flexible work space. Open, colourful and lively workspaces appeal to the Millennials. The old thinking that work is serious and bringing laughter and fun (appropriately) into the work environment is not acceptable, is no longer true. In fact, creativity at work, which is an important ingredient that makes an organisation stand out above their competition, has a direct correlation with fun, joy and lightness at work. When people connect with each other well and have fun, their creativity juices flow.

Hold meaningful conversations. Millennials need to understand why they are asked to do certain things. They dislike being instructed and directed to do an assignment without understanding the rational and the impact of that assignment. If we treat them like objects by instructing them to do work without spending time to discuss, we disengage them. We need to encourage them to ask questions and invest the time to share the objectives and how the relates to the bigger picture. You may be thinking, this takes up more time? Yes. What is the consequence of not doing it?

Appreciate their perspectives and find ways to incorporate their ideas. Remember that Millennials see the world from their lenses and that is an excellent source of creativity and innovation. Be prepared to consider and change existing processes, approaches and thinking. This will motivate them and make them feel important. As a leader, be the one who ask, "Why not?"

Spend time to coach and mentor them. Being young and idealistic at times, they only see things from their perspectives. Be prepared to coach (asking questions) to help them to think through and explore their own thinking and mentor them (share experiences) to open them up to other perspectives and life experiences. Invest the time to build relationships with them because only in the presence of trust, will they accept our offer to teach, coach and mentor. The frustration begins when we expect them to accept and follow what we share and they don't! Know that they have choices and so do you. Share your expectations and at the same time be open to theirs and find a middle path. The attitude of "My way or the highway" will not work in the present work environment. They will most likely choose the highway!

Create opportunities to bring out their energies and creativity. Allow the millennials to plan social functions, activities and events that appeals to their interest. Remember that they are young and they are full of energy. They need to find ways to expand these energies and make stronger connections between different generations and our role as leaders is to facilitate that to happen.

THE BOTTOM-LINE

As leaders we need to shift our approaches to bring out the best in people and more specifically, the Millennials. The good news is that we know a little bit of what makes them tick. The key question is, "What will it take for us to shift our leadership style to engage with this large workforce and bring out the best in them?" Remember, what has worked for us may not work for them.

Wishing you a fabulous 2017 year filled with love, joy and happiness.

Wai K, Master Certified Coach, (www.jmcconsult.com)

Authored by: Wai K Leong    

I contributed this article on the ICF Blog http://coachfederation.org/blog/index.php/8102/, and here is the article for you.

Wow! How time flies! We are coming towards the end of the first quarter and as I reflected on this period, looking for some interesting perspectives to share, the word “judgment” came up. It happened in some of my discussions with clients, in class during training and even in my own reflections as I pondered through the events of the day.

A student, in our coach certification class, recently asked, “Can we really be judgment free?” What a great question! The discussion brought about several other related words and phrases such as “being judgmental” and “exercising judgment.” So, I will attempt to create a distinction between these words and share how these distinctions have helped me gain clarity of my thoughts and actions, as a person, coach and board member.

“Judging” is a process of arriving at a conclusion or decision. This process is exercised by court judges, competitive event judges, ICF competency assessors and, most of all, ourselves daily. In the process of judging, there is a reference point, a set of criteria or a benchmark that is referred to. When judges assess a performance or an event, they based it on a set of agreed criteria. When we judge situations or people, our reference point is often our own set of criteria that is influenced by our values and expectations. When it meets our own set of expectations, we attribute it as “good” and otherwise as “bad.”

When we are “being judgmental,” we arrive at our conclusion in a rather hushed and rapid manner, often unconsciously, without totally considering all information and perspectives. At this judgmental state, we tend to hold on to our opinions strongly, even though there may be evidences that point otherwise.

So, can we really be free from judgments? In my opinion, I don’t think so. However, with a high degree of mindfulness, we can often observe ourselves making these judgments. With this awareness, we have a choice; a choice to either respect the differences, appreciate the diversity and celebrate the richness of life or to hold on to our biases, firmly.

With “exercising judgments,” we are constantly looking for new information to make our conclusions and decisions. We also do not firmly hold on to these conclusions and opinions with a 100 percent degree of certainty. We maintain curiosity and openness to new information and know that we can be wrong with the existing data that we have.

With this awareness, I have learned to accept differing perspectives, consider the pro and cons and leverage what makes logical sense to arrive at a better conclusion and decision, sometimes using my gut instinct as a source of information, too. I also realized that in the process of exercising judgment, it is easier said than done. This is especially so when we feel strongly about certain issues and when we believe that we are right. As a mindfulness practitioner, I do catch myself in this position many times and I ask myself, “What is this person seeing that I’m not? What could I learn and see if I stay open and soften up my stand?” Often, I end up discovering that I have made some assumptions that are not true!

As I’m serving my second term as an ICF Global Board Member and my first as Vice Chair, I cherish these learnings and growth that the role has offered me. I marveled at the way we arrive at decisions, even though our starting points can be very different. I believe a large part of this lies with our common intention to be mindful of who we serve. With such diversity of experiences within our board members, each boldly expressing opinions and yet staying open to different perspectives, we have rich, deep dialogues.

Perhaps, this is one of the biggest benefits of being trained as a professional coach; we are trained to be mindfully present, actively listen, clarify and constantly exercise judgment in support of whatever conversations that we may have. It is a wonderful profession that we are in; not just in helping our clients change, but also in the process of changing ourselves, too.

Wai K. Leong, 2017 ICF Global Board Vice Chair

Authored by: Wai K Leong    

Welcome to the world of coaching. This is a crucial skill for leaders to engage, empower and unleash the potential of individuals and teams in organisation. Here, I hope to share my journey and learnings over the last 25 years as a leader and a coach, in the hope to shorten your journey, getting to mastery. It is my hope too that the SHIFT mastery process will help you as much as it has helped me. It will provide you with insights of what masterful coaches focuses on in their conversations, their mindsets that drives them and the process that they engage in. There is a saying "A great coach changes the game but a masterful coach changes lives."

The picture above is an apt metaphor of coaching. In our fast paced life, we need to slow down to observe, reflect and appreciate the beauty within and around us. It is a journey that we take with our coachees from point A to B but more importantly, it is a journey that we take as a coach, to upgrade ourselves in the way we perceive life, interact with people and the roles we play. Masterful coaching is a result of who are (our being) rather that what we do (the techniques) during coaching. So where do we start?

The image of this book, the gear shift, seems like an oxymoron to the the image of a slow horse carriage! In fact, it reminds me of the phrase which I picked up in my coaching journey, "To move fast, we need to move slow!" What is your understanding and interpretation of this phrase?

So how do we become masterful in coaching? First, find your purpose. Your BIG WHY. Without knowing a clear purpose of why you want to be masterful, you will lose the motivation and stamina along the journey. It is not an easy route because it requires a fundamental SHIFT the way we relate to ourself and to others. It requires an upgrade in our operating system in they way we think and behave. Your BIG WHY will provide you with motivation and perseverance to make the changes in yourself, to be disrupted in your habits and thought patterns. So, what is your BIG WHY?

This book deals with the deepest anchors of change, working with beliefs, perceptions and assumptions. It is a fundamental step in helping us understand how we are conditioned to think and behave and how this directly influences how we coach. Uncovering and shifting these belief systems is the real essence of mastery.

SHIFT is an acronym and it starts with "Self". In my subsequent articles, I will be revealing the eight components of "Self" and the remaining four letters of the acronyms to guide you in your journey in becoming a masterful coach. Are you keen to embark on this journey?

Do you want a better life? Do you want a life that is full of zest, happiness and fulfilment? If yes, then just change your story. The life that we live now is a result of the stories that we tell ourselves. That small little voice in our head that speaks to us, either in an empowering or disempowering manner. When we feel happy, that story is a positive one and when we are unhappy, that story is likely not. When we change our stories, we change our life! That's a certainty!

Imagine holding up a picture frame and you see what's within that frame. That is your perspective. It creates a story. Now turn left or right 90 degrees and see through that frame again; you see another picture. That is another perspective of the same landscape. Which one do you prefer?

You might have heard of the story of "The Farmer and his horse."

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. 

"Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.

"Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer.

In life, events are neither good nor bad. It is the interpretations that we attribute to it that makes it so. When we are expecting something and it turns out to be what we expect, we say it is good. Likewise the opposite. So the stories that we create is influenced by our expectations.

When we experience an event, what stories are we creating for ourselves about the event? Remember, a coin has two sides. Which side are you looking at? Then you may ask, "If we can control how we create our stories, why then do we create stories that disempower us?" The answer could be that we somehow we derive benefits from those having those stories. What are the benefits?

Case 1: You work with a difficult and toxic person that drains your energy and spoils your day. How you feel about the person, is a result of the story that you have created about the person. So, why do we create such a story when it makes us feel lousy? One possibility is that you felt helpless that you can't do much about how you were being treated (especially so if he/she was your boss). So blaming him/her on how unfairly you have been treated takes the responsibility off from owning your emotions. The notion of "I am responsible for my feelings" feels like you have chosen to feel this way. How can that be! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO CHOOSE TO FEEL ROTTEN? Being responsible means having the ability to respond. However, many of us don't know how to respond or act in an empowering manner when we are being treated badly. So we end up sulking, feeling angry and complain to our friends/ spouses on how we were being treated. That act of complaining got you attention, sympathy and validation. Feels good, right? So that story gets re-told.

Case 2: We sometimes feel afraid to take a certain action or to venture into the unknown. So we create stories like "I'm not good enough", "It is not worth it", "I will do it when I'm ready", "I don't have the support and resources", "I'm too old/ too young". So the benefits of these stories is that they protect us from the possible pain of failure and embarrassment.

Case 3: It could be that you took on a challenge and failed. You felt embarrassed, hurt or angry that it did not turn out the way that you had expected. So you create stories about the event, the person or even yourselves on why you had failed. Since these stories sound logical, we hold on to them for a long time. When the story gets re-told over and over again, it becomes our reality. We begin to believe in it and it keeps us from getting hurt.

Now you may protest, "I know all this is not good for my mental and emotional health; more so for my future but I can't change my story even if I wanted to! I have tried." The real question is, who is stopping you from changing your story? I suspect, it is not a case of "I can't change my story" but more of "I don't think I want to change my story." So if it the latter, ask yourself, "What benefits am I getting by holding to it?" Attention? sympathies? love? care? safety? What are you craving for that is holding you hostage to your stories? How can you get those needs met in other ways?

Here are some questions for us to reflect on:

1. What is that story that is disempowering me?
2. What benefits am I getting from holding on to that story? (there must be at least one)
3. How is that story impacting my life now?
4. If the situation was seen from another person perspective, how might the story sound, look or feel like?
5. If I change my story to something more empowering, what would my new story sound, look or feel like?
6. What impact will this new story do for my life?
7. Am I ready and willing to adopt the new story?

What are some ways that you have shifted your stories? What was the result of doing that?

Wai K, ICF Master Certified Coach (www.jmccoachmastery.com)

Authored by: Karen McClymont

What if we could make an impact in the world that created lasting and profound change?

What would you choose to influence, impact, and empower?

• Maybe it would be in Technology or AI within the Health and Wellness Industry.
• Maybe it would be in Global Communications, creating opportunities for dialogue and negotiation to ease conflict and strife.
• Maybe you will impact Climate Change through Resource Management, conservation and Innovation.

Imagine empowering it all with a simple switch, so simple that it is like switching on the lights in your home… What if it were that simple? What if all it took to empower the world was to empower oneself? You! A positive trigger that could domino into global empowerment!

If we have a desire to impact, to influence, to create a certain legacy of empowerment, it is necessary to start with oneself… To take an inner journey of self-discovery towards awareness, towards clarity, towards self-empowerment.

Know what triggers you, what hinders you, what entices and creates ownership for you, whilst also building that which gives you most passion, most satisfaction, and most growth towards your ultimate purpose.

When we consider where to begin, we could very easily turn to self-pity, to the limiting beliefs that we are not good enough, not worthy, or a form of imposter syndrome may ultimately creep in and cause self-sabotage… This doesn’t align with creating and sustaining real and meaningful change-feeling bad, dejected, having not realized the essence of who you truly are and what your ultimate purpose is doesn’t change anything and certainly doesn’t empower you towards positive action. Avoid becoming overwhelmed; carrying the world’s problems on your shoulders, worrying about things that are out of your control and overthinking will not empower change but instead will plunge you into procrastination and possible despair.

Focus instead on how you dedicate your time, enable yourself to say ‘no’ when appropriate; this will take reflection and strength of resolve to follow through, with self-compassion, reflection, and mindfulness, creating a positive mental state. By taking care of your wellbeing, you in turn can be better placed to serve others.

Build yourself into the person you are purposed to be, review and remove areas of negativity… emotions, limiting beliefs, past trauma; free the person within who aspires, with passion, to impact on a global scale. Align your values to your affirmations and goals and don’t limit yourself, DREAM BIG, THINK SMART, ENGAGE SMART and PLAN SMART. Play to your core strengths, those skills and attributes that ring true for you and that make you who you are and work those to the full; in doing so you may just meet your true self and enable yourself to build pathways to arenas and disciplines you never dreamt were possible, empowering you to new heights of knowledge, presence and authority, becoming resilient, agile and creating faith in the journey, your journey! A journey which seeks an energized connection and engagement with those who are like-minded, Your Community, Your Tribe!

As you reach that state of becoming, renewing one’s identity, aligning self with purpose, what then? Well… that’s the next chapter of your journey, of learning, unlearning and relearning areas that will enable you to continually grow, to continually impact and to continually empower those around you one by one, group by group, and who knows… perhaps even empowering the world!

Authored by: Karen McClymont

Authored by: Karen McClymont

Authored by: Jeff Cheah

Last week, I did a 2-hour an online Coaching Tools workshop for a group of Leaders and here are the feedback.

What was the Speaker’s strengths?

Interactive.

In depth knowledge.

Straight to the point.

Clear presentation with examples.

Knowledge and experience as a Coach.

Simple and easy to understand.

Making the session interactive.

Clear and engaging; good time management.

Interactive approach.

Interesting from start till end!

Very useful and practical contents, thank you Jeff Cheah. Well done and thank you.

Jeff is able to engage the participants and his presentation is well organized, flow smoothly and easy to understand.

How could the Speaker improve his/her presentation? 

The session was good based on the time given.

The quality of the audio for his online presentation might need to be improve.

Could go more in depth but understand time constraint.

Maybe the time is too short, the program slightly rush.

I felt pretty validated. It's a great feeling. That's why I do what I do. Facilitating interactive and experiential workshops with energy & enthusiasm. I knew that I've done my best given the time constraint. I was in a giving mode, sharing my experiences, my knowledge all from my heart. And the participants felt it.

That's what I wanted to hear. Words like Interactive, Engaging, Clear, Simple, Easy to understand, Knowledge & Experience, Useful & practical, Well organized, Flow smoothly, Interesting from start till end. Thank you Jeff Cheah, Well done!

Thank You dear workshop attendees. You are all so kind. I am grateful as I know you have been paying attention. I'm glad it works for you. I'd strive to do better.

Of course, I'd need to check on my audio to make sure it works well in my next workshop. I remembered 3 years ago, we (Me, KC Chin, Leon & Esther) facilitated a 2.5 days coaching for leaders workshop for 62 MSRM English Teachers and we received a 2-minute standing ovation at the end of the workshop. And there were many adjectives that we captured in our feedback.

How can we you make your workshop more impactful?

By being human, above all. By knowing thoroughly what your subject is, and by making it accessible (not talking down, of course) to other humans just like you. By allowing people to laugh. By involving their imaginations. By referring to things outside the direct subject being discussed. By drawing comparisons. By enjoying what you do. It shows.
(Extracted from HBR's Easy on the Eyes by Kirsten D. Sandberg)

What is your experience with your participants?

Why do you continue to do what you do?